Mothering Drudgery or Joy

Dear Ladies,

When my kids were little Monday was always a hard day for me. After a weekend of very little housekeeping there was plenty of catching up to do. Monday always meant cleaning and laundry. After a long holiday weekend with husbands and kids home I'm sure some of you had a busy day today catching up with your cleaning and laundry.

Parts of mothering can be just drudgery. The laundry is never ending, the floor is always needing a good mopping, you rarely get everything done, and many days you feel like you get nothing done. The other part of mothering is why we really enjoy being mothers. Its the baby gazing up at you as she nurses, the toddler fresh out of the bath in his new fuzzy pajamas, the delight on a child's face when you surprise them with a gift they have really been wanting, the sense of pride when your child walks across the stage to accept his diploma and the countless smiles, hugs and kisses that are bestowed on you just because you are the mom.

Don't let your days of mothering young children become just the days of drudgery. Aim each day to find the joy in mothering weather it is just a few minutes to read a child a story, scratched a child's back (I have a 16 year old that wants his back scratched at bedtime), color a coloring page together or listen to a teen relate his day to you. These everyday occurrences are what mothering is really about. These are the days when we have the chance to mold a life, to train our children in the love of the Lord through our actions and to love them unconditionally.

Happy Mothering Ladies. Thank you to all of you who responded to my last email, your responses are very encouraging.

Melissa

It's Me-Finally!!

Dear Ladies,
I'm sorry it has been so long since you've heard from me. Just a quick note to let you all know that I am thinking of you.

This morning in church I was standing next to my husband during worship. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him worshiping the Lord. I realized that no matter what he does wrong or does that I'm not real excited about that none of that really matters. What really matters is that my husband loves the Lord and is committed to his walk with Him. I need to keep this is mind when I'm frustrated, feeling unappreciated or overwhelmed. In reality few things are really important, but one of the things that is important is the relationship our family members and friends have with the Lord. In the end all we can take to heaven with us is other people.

I'm taking my three youngest kids and heading to So. Carolina to help Eric's sister who has ALS. ALS is a quickly progressing disease and I want to spend time with her while she is still with us. I will try to write to you from there.

I would love to hear from some of you. It inspires me to write when I hear from you and you ask me questions or share something from your day with me.

Blessings to all of you,
Melissa

Toys, Toys and More Toys Part 2

Dear Ladies,
Now that you have had time to clear the toys from your bedroom room, let’s get started dealing with all the toys that are everywhere else.

One of the best ways to deal with toys is to limit them. So to start you will need a box of trash bags. Before you can organize anything you will need to weed out what you want to keep, what needs to be trashed and which toys can be given away. Anytime you are sorting through toys to get rid of it is best to not have your children around, let them watch a video, nap in your room so you can be in their room or plan a play date. Since this job may take a while you may find it best to accomplish it in short time spans.

Let's get started sorting.
- First we are going to trash any toys that are broken, unsafe, or too worn out to pass on.

-Our second trash bag will be for toys that are still in good condition, but are not played with. Your church nursery maybe interested in them, you can donate them to Goodwill or The Salvation Army for a tax deduction, ask a friend if they are interested in any of the toys for their children or list them on Ebay or Free Cycle. (http://www.freecycle.com/ is a great way to give items away to other local people. Go to the website and select a group in your area, sign up and then all you do is write a short note of what you have you would like to give away. People will email you if they are interested and then pick it up from you. I love free cycle. I will list something and often have multiple people who would like it. I email one of them with my address and leave the item on the front porch. The next thing I know the item is gone. Often the person will email and tell me how glad they are to have the item.)

How do you determine which toys stay and which toys go? Ask yourself when was the last time your child used the toy, if they have not used it in the last six months to a year it is time for the toy to leave your home. Most children have a few toys that they use all the time and even some that they use every day. Toys like blocks, Playmobiles, Legos, dolls, kitchen items, and dress up clothes give children hours of enjoyment, so these are keepers, unless your child shows no interest in them. Our house has tons of Legos; the boys spent countless hours building, rebuilding and imagining with their Legos.
They were well worth the space they occupied. Decide what toys are worth the space in your home.

-Now be sure to make sure the toys in your trash bags leave your house.

You probably still have plenty of toys left in your house. We will talk about some organizing ideas in the next letter, but for now happy sorting. Remember it doesn't have to be done all at once. If you only have 30 minutes to sort through half of the closet that's ok, the job will get done.

Happy Sorting,

Melissa

Toys, Toys and More Toys

Dear Ladies,

I love hearing from you and hearing what ideas you would like to read about. Recently a reader asked me for ideas on organizing children’s toys, dealing with the abundance of art work our children make and how to effectively store hand-me-downs. I haven’t personally conquered all of the STUFF in my house. It is a constant battle. Since our home isn’t very big and we don’t have the option of throwing everything in the basement, we have had to learn how to deal with all the stuff that six people need, collect and want.

There is a lot in the above topics to talk about and since I like to keep these letters short, I’m going to break this up into several different letters. First we will start with the toys.

TOYS: They are everywhere and seem to multiple like bunnies. If toys aren’t kept under control they will quickly take over your whole house.

First I would suggest you make your bedroom off limit to toys. I have always felt that the children had the whole house to play in they did not need to play or leave their toys in my room. If you are married your room should be a calm, restful place for you and your husband to enjoy time together, if you are a single mom you need one place that is just for you. You are not being selfish by keeping one room as your personal haven and for many that would mean a room with no toys. So take a box, go to your bedroom and put all the toys in the box. Put the box in a child’s room, we will deal with it later. For now you have one place where you can go that is toy free, be sure to let your kids know that your room is now a “toy free zone” and remember to enforce this new rule.

More to come on the subject of toys in the near future.

Melissa

Quick Summer Tip

Dear Ladies,

We had a chance to go camping last week. We spent the good portion of an afternoon at the pool one day. The water was nice, the sun was hot and I didn't know where the sunscreen was. Needless to say I got a sunburn. We went to the store and I purchased a bottle of lotion that had Aloe Vera plus vitamins and tea tree oil(usually I use just aloe), it did wonders. Not only did it sooth the burn, the burn turned to a tan and didn't peel.

Aloe is also good to have on hand for the occasional burn when cooking.

Have a great week ladies. Stay cool and remember the sunscreen.

Melissa

PS- I bought sunscreen and than found the old stuff, so we were better prepared for the next time we went to the pool

Treasure Boxes

Ladies,

We found a great deal this week on treasure boxes. We all know how much children love to keep things and they always need somewhere to keep their treasures.

The cigar store next to the Blockbusters in North Stafford will sometimes have empty cigar boxes sitting outside the door for people to take, but they also sell some of the boxes. The boxes they sell are very nice for treasure boxes. We had a great time sorting through the piles of boxes looking for our favorites. Many boxes are made of beautiful stained word, with hinges and latches on the front. They come in a variety of sizes; they have a few that are a little larger then a shoe box, but many are half that size. Currently there is a sign on the door saying cigar boxes are 1/2, the larger boxes are about $2-2.50 and all the smaller ones(just inside the front door are $1).

I thought the boxes would be great to put Christmas gifts in either as is or spray painted. I'm sure many of your children would enjoy picking out a treasure box to fill and once it is filled I would encourage them to sort through and get rid of some of them to make room for new treasures. This can work as a great way to store treasures, but also to limit them because once the box is full they have to discard somethings.

And if you want to get crafty I'm sure there are many ways you could decorate these boxes, but many are already very nice.

I also have a large box of tea sets. My daughter had multiple sets and we sorted through and just kept her favorites. Is anyone interested in a tea set to have tea parties with their kids? If more then one person wants them I will divide the sets up?

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Melissa

Help-I just want to talk on the phone for two minutes!!!

Dear Ladies,
Doesn’t it seem every time you go to the store you see a child having a tempter tantrum? Doesn’t it seem that shopping can bring out some of the worse behaviors in our kids? My boys thought it was fun to hide in the middle of the clothes racks where I couldn’t see them. I would turn around and they would be gone. I would yell their name and calmly they would appear with a “I’m right here, Mama.”

It isn’t just shopping that can brings out the worse in our kids. There is also phone calls, visitors and the rare moment that they find themselves alone; all great times to find some mischief to get into. As moms we have two choices we can ignore the behavior or change it. Ignoring bad behavior rarely causes a child to change course, so that really only leaves us the option of changing the behavior.
Disciplining children isn’t easy work, it takes time, creativity and consistency. Of these three consistency is key. No matter how you decide to discipline a child, weather through time out, spanking, lose of privilege/treat, it has to be consistent.

Let’s say you have the common problem of your children losing control as soon as you start talking on the phone. What would you do to correct this problem?
Here’s one way.
Have a training session; just like an adult who takes a new job needs training, a child needs training to understand what is expected of him. Role play with your child what you expect of him when the phone rings, maybe he needs to find a book to look at for a few minutes(if so have some books in a place where she can reach them and change them out every week or so to prevent boredom) or maybe you just want him to sit and play quietly for a few minutes. Whatever it is be sure your child understands what he is to do during that time. Keep in mind it should be something your child enjoys or your plan will not work. Let your child know that you will be as quick as you can on the phone and try to stick short chats, so he isn’t tempted to misbehave.
Once your child understands what you expect it is time to have a pretend phone call and practice. Begin by making a ringing noise, say to your child the phone is ringing, get your book and sit quietly for a few minutes. Pretend to answer your phone and chat for a minute. Hang up and praise your child for his good behavior while you were on the phone. Practice this a few times over the course of several days each time making your pretend conversation a little longer. Praise your child after each pretend conversation.
During your training be sure to let your child know what the consequence will be if he doesn’t do what you asked him, maybe he will have to stand in the corner for a few minutes, or lose something she enjoys. Whatever it is be sure when your child misbehaves to follow through. Threats don’t work! If you tell your child no TV in that afternoon, then stick to it. Sticking to what you say is the hardest part.

Now that your child knows what the expected behavior is and what the punishment will be if he doesn’t behave, maintain consistency. Every time the phone rings expect him to do exactly what you have trained him to do and if he doesn’t then end your phone call immediately. Explain to her she didn’t do what you had practiced and so now you have to punish her. Once your child realizes that you are serious and are holding her to a standard she should respond. If she doesn’t then your expectation and punishment will need to be adjusted. Maybe she needs a different activity to keep her busy for a few minutes or a tougher punishment. It might also work to have something special in the cupboard near the phone that you pull out just for him to use while you are on the phone; at the end of the call the toy goes away(rotate these toys occasionally).
Similar kind of training will help you and your child in other situations where their behaviors isn’t what you would like. In upcoming letters we will discuss other training ideas that will help you and your child in different situations. Punishing or spanking a child for every ill deed isn’t necessarily effective. Sometimes a punishment is necessary, but often times we just need to take the extra few moments to teach our children what our expectations are.
If you have had success in training your children to behave while you are on the phone and would like to share what has work with you, we would love to hear it. I will include your idea in a future letter and add it to the website.

Melissa
www.amomlikeyou.com