Spoiling Just One

Dear Ladies,

I'm sitting at the Ford dealership waiting on my van. We're here for schedule maintenance. I have brought along my youngest boy, Caleb to keep me company.

Years ago my husband and I read and article that contained a simple piece of parenting advice. The article said to always take a child with you when you are heading out to shop, run an errand or other small excursions. Since then, we have tried to put this principle into practice. This doesn't mean I never shop alone. I do. Sometimes I need to go alone, sometimes I want to go alone and sometimes no one wants to go with me.

When we first started do this, my husband was making bi-weekly trips to the dump. No one wanted to go with him, so he began using bribery. Just a side note, bribery has it's place in parenting, and can work very well helping you teach or train a child. Eric began taking the child he forced to go with him to the gas station to pick out a bandy bar. Since our children rarely got whole candy bars this was a real treat for them and before long everyone wanted to go to the dump with dad.

Sometimes moms need the time to go shopping alone and if it is one of those times, then by all means go alone. However if you have had your alone time, then take a child along. For me this allows me the chance to have some alone time with each child. Taking just one child out with you is totally different then taking the whole gang. With just one you have the chance to really focus on them and gives you a chance to talk about subjects they might not have brought up if another child was along.

Eric and I love to spoil our children, so another benefit of taking just one child is, it gives us the chance to spoil him or her. If I have all four children along it can cost me a pretty penny to buy each one of them an ice cream cone at Brusters or even a Coke. If I have only one child I can more easily afford to buy them a treat or two. The children know this and at times they have come along just because they know the chances are good that they will get a treat. A few my children have gone through stages when they just enjoyed being alone with one of us and would tag along. One even told me once on an outing he liked being alone with me.

Weather the child goes with you because you forced him, bribed him, or simply because they wanted to, the time alone with you child will strengthen your bond and create memories. So the next time you're heading out the door to run an errand, whisper a bribed in the ear of one of your kids and enjoy the bless of having a child along.

Melissa

Re-Arrange the House

Dear Ladies,

We have the making of a band in our house. The two youngest are learning how to play chores on the piano, so they will be able to play worship music. The older two are taking guitar lessons. Occassionally I have seen an older one trying to play along while a younger one plays the piano.

We bought our piano about 3 years ago. It is actually an electric keyboard, but it looks and plays like a small piano. Having taken piano for years I began teaching all of the kids the basics of playing. This year we decided to try lessons for the younger one and the older boys wanted to take guitar lessons.

I never imagin that my kids would be so musical. We bought the piano just to see if anyone had a God given talent for playing. It doesn't appear that we have any budding Mozarts, but we have discovered the joy of music and the enjoyment of playing an instrustments.

Here's a parenting secret for you: Children will use things that they see.

If you want you children to use something or play with a certain item, or work on a project you have to leave it out where they can see it.
For example-our piano and a guitar are in the family room and sometimes someone will set down and just start playing. If we were to put the instruments in different room where they wouldn't seen all the time, they wouldn't get used as much. I have a friend who took this principal to heart and had a drum set in her formal living room for years.

You may have to change your furniture around a little, set up a small table or designate a spot for a project, but having the items/instruments available will motivate your children to use them. Your home wouldn't look like the glossy cover of a decorating magazine, but you will be offering your children opportunities to learn.

Legos, books and drawing pads and pencils are also great items to have available for your children to use. Put these types of things where they can get them by themselves.

Have fun re-arranging your home, then sit back and see what the kids do.

Melissa

Hunting for Chocolate

"You can deprive the body, but the soul needs chocolate."

I didn't really need an excuse to eat chocolate, but this quote almost makes you feel like it is good for you to eat chocolate. We enjoy buying different brands of dark chocolate that we find and taste test them. My children have become chocolate snobs. They prefer the more expensive chocolate, though in a pinch the cheaper chocolate is fine. Being chocolate tasters has given us a family mission. We enjoy picking up chocolate that is different and sampling it. We have found chocolate from different countries, chocolate with various percentages of cacao and chocolates with added fruit or flavors(the oldest boys liked the chocolate with chili pepper).

Our hunt for different varieties of chocolate is like a family mission. It adds an element of fun to our shopping trips. We enjoy the search. We usually only a buy one candy bar to sample, so our mission is fairly inexpensive. Sometimes we will buy multiple bars, each a little different and compare taste. Our mission is a fun way to make memories as a family and any unique activity a family does together makes you and your children feel your family is special and helps create a bond.

A family mission does not have to be chocolate bars, it doesn't even have to be food, it could be anything that you hunt for.

A few ideas might be:
different varieties of apples,
collecting magnets from various places,
collecting smashed pennies(pennies that are smashed a imprinted with the name of a place. We do this also, this is a good vacation collectible)
different kinds of bottled water(Does all water taste the same?)

postcards of places you've visited

varieties of tea
try different varies of ice cream, ice cream places or novelty ice cream at gas stations.

Does your family have anything special they hunt for? If so would you share them with us. I will post all of them on the blog and sent them in a future letter.

Have a wonderful weekend.
Melissa





Chocolate doesn't have

Parenting Book Recommendation

Our new church building is almost ready for us. If everything stays on schedule we should be having our first services in April. It has been a long process. Our family has been attending Horizons for 8 years, back then we didn't have a band, we had one pastor and only one service. The church has come a long way in 8 years and with a building of our own we will have so many more opportunities. It will be exciting to finally walk through the doors. Tomorrow I'm going to meet the children's pastor at the building to discuss what furnishings we need to purchase.

This letter I wanted to briefly share with you a series of books that I found helpful as a young mom. The books are titled Your(fill in age)Year Old and are written by Louise Bates Ames and Frances L. IIg. The first book is entitled Your One Year Old:The fun loving, fussy 12 to 24 month old. I'm not sure at what age the series ends. As my oldest was closing in on another birthday or soon after his birthday I would pick up the book from the library. I never truly read one of the books from cover to cover, but would skim through them. The part I was most interested in was the descriptions of typical behavior for that age. For instance when my son was three and started being afraid of everything, I knew from my reading that this is very normal behavior for a three year old; as unique as each child is there are still behaviors that for the most part are typical for all children that age. Knowing little bits of information about child behavior was very helpful to me. I would tell my husband "The book said this would happen." I wasn't as bewilder by my first child's behaviors.

The books in paperback cost under $10 on Amazon, http://www.amazon.com/Your-One-Year-Old-Fun-Loving-12-24-Month-Old/dp/0440506727/ref=pd_sim_b_5. The library system in Stafford/Fredericksburg also has them, I believe they are on the parenting shelf in the children's section.

The Mom Like You website is coming. We want to have a large quantity of information for young moms on the site before we starting inviting people to visit. If you have a few minutes I would love to hear from you. We are looking for easy recipes, recommended reading of any interest to young moms, websites or ideas of things you would like us to include on the website.

Blessings to All,

Melissa

www.amomlikeyou.blogspot.com

PS. If you have a topic in future letters you would me to cover, please let me know.

Wills and Life Insurance

Dear Ladies

One thing no one enjoys thinking about is the sudden death of a love one. However it is something we needed to think and prepare for. If you have not written a will or gotten a life insurance policy, don't wait.

The most important reason to write a will is to provide guardians for your children. A verbal agreement with friends will probably not stand up in court and your children could become wards of the state or end up with a relative that isn't your first choice.

A large life insurance while your children are still young and living at home is very important. the policy will give you the income you need to remain a stay at home mom. In our case we took out a policy that would give me enough to live on until our youngest was in college. At a minimum you would will probably need over a million dollar policy to be able to continue to live as you are accustom. We also took our a policy for me, because we feel strongly about homeschooling our children we wanted Eric to be able to stay home and continue homeschooling.

This isn't any one's favorite topic to talk about, but it is a very real part of life. The hardest part is deciding who you would want to be your children's guardian, but don't let that keep you from writing a will. You can always change that part of your will at a later date.

Until next time, may the Lord bless you with all the wisdom, love and patience you need to mother your children.

Blessings to all of you,
Melissa
ps. We are working on a website entitled "a mom like you" We are in need of links, recipes and any thing of interest to young moms. If you have any suggestions we would love to hear from you.

Quiche Recipe

I haven't made quiche for my family in a long time, but when I have made it everyone enjoys it. If you use frozen pie crusts, it will only take you a few minutes to put the filling together. It is also easy to make several different types to satisfy everyone. Since most children like eggs and cheese there should be very little complaining. You can be creative with what you add to the egg mixture. A few ideas to try are broccoli, mushroom, bacon,sausage, ham, spinach, green peppers,tomatoes and of course cheese.

Pastry
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon shortening
2to 3 tablespoons cold water
Filling
8 slices bacon, crisply cooked, crumbled (1/2 cup)
1 cup shredded cheese (4 oz)
1/3 cup finely chopped onion
4 large eggs
2 cups milk, whipping cream or half-n-half
1/4teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

Directions for making pie crust:

1.In medium bowl, mix flour and salt. Cut in shortening, using pastry blender or fork, until particles are size of small peas. Sprinkle with cold water, 1 tablespoon at a time, tossing with fork until all flour is moistened and pastry almost cleans side of bowl (1 to 2 teaspoons more water can be added if necessary).

2.Gather pastry into a ball.

Heat oven to 425°F.

With floured rolling pin, roll pastry into round 2 inches larger than your pie plate. Fold pastry gently and gently place in quiche dish. Unfold and press firmly against bottom and side. Trim overhanging edge of pastry.

Bake crust for 10 minutes. If crust bubbles, gently push bubbles down with back of spoon.

Reduce oven temperature to 325°F.

Sprinkle bacon, cheese and onion( or your similar ingredients of your choice) in pie crust. In medium bowl, beat eggs slightly; add milk, salt and pepper. Pour into quiche dish. (Before pouring filling into crust, put the crust on a cookie sheets. The cookie sheets makes it easier to transfer the quiche to the oven and catches any over flow.

Bake 45 to 50 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean.

Let stand 10 minutes before serving.
Time Saver: Use frozen crust or a ready-to-go refrigerated pie crust.
Prep Time: 25 min

Makes: 6 servings

Enjoy

Melissa

Just Say No!!!

Dear Ladies,

The kids and I have a busy week ahead of us. Caleb (son #3) is getting braces put on the upper teeth, we are all taking a field trip to the FBI Academy, and Johanna, Caleb and I are taking a field trip to a Equine Rescue Farm. Johanna is working on a horses' unit study this year, so when I saw this field trip offered, I signed up for it. We don't do many group field trips, so this is an unusual week for us. We also have Bible study, robotics and a college class for the oldest, our regular school work and chores, a MOPS meeting for me, drama class for Johanna and guitar lessons for the two oldest boys. I'm sure some of you probably have a schedule that is even fuller, while some of you may enjoy a quieter week.

I'm also sure that most of you have experienced feelings of being overwhelmed at some point. When your long list of things to do, just gets longer. There have been times that I have felt on the verge of tears, because I had so much to accomplish.

We adopted our daughter at the age of 2. Our boys were four, six and eight at the time, I was homeschooling, we had moved into a house that needed lots of work, I was the director of our children's church program and taught Sunday school. I was overwhelmed. Added to all this the transition for our daughter was difficult, she only wanted me or my oldest son, she cried a lot and was angry plus the church wanted the children to perform a Christmas musical and I was the director. I was REALLY overwhelmed. During all this I went to a homeschool support group meeting. I shared with some of the ladies all I was doing. One member of the group was an older mom and she offered me some simple advise. She said "Melissa, you need to learn how to say NO."

Is learning to say "NO" something you need to do? There are many wonderful actitives to fill our time and we have to choose carefully. Opportunities abound for our children, everything from soccer to cooking lessons. These are all great activities and there is a time when it is good to let your children take part. We can, at times, feel pressured to have all of our kids doing some activity all of the time. Before signing your kids up for a class or sport consider how many hours per week will you need to invest, how will the added stress effect your family and how will the time involved effect the children not participating in the activity. If it is a personal project or activity be sure to ask your husband's opinion, talk to a close friend and consider your current schedule(can it handle another event). Be sure to spend some time asking God to direct your steps.

Lastly say No and don't feel guilty. In the weeks ahead you probably will be glad you didn't take on yet another activity or project. Only by saying no to some activities will you have the opportunity to spend quality time as a family, have the time for your children to just be kids and play, and maybe even have the time to read a good book.

Have a wonderful week.

Melissa

PS. I'm looking for e-letter topics, do you have any ideas?