Mothering Drudgery or Joy

Dear Ladies,

When my kids were little Monday was always a hard day for me. After a weekend of very little housekeeping there was plenty of catching up to do. Monday always meant cleaning and laundry. After a long holiday weekend with husbands and kids home I'm sure some of you had a busy day today catching up with your cleaning and laundry.

Parts of mothering can be just drudgery. The laundry is never ending, the floor is always needing a good mopping, you rarely get everything done, and many days you feel like you get nothing done. The other part of mothering is why we really enjoy being mothers. Its the baby gazing up at you as she nurses, the toddler fresh out of the bath in his new fuzzy pajamas, the delight on a child's face when you surprise them with a gift they have really been wanting, the sense of pride when your child walks across the stage to accept his diploma and the countless smiles, hugs and kisses that are bestowed on you just because you are the mom.

Don't let your days of mothering young children become just the days of drudgery. Aim each day to find the joy in mothering weather it is just a few minutes to read a child a story, scratched a child's back (I have a 16 year old that wants his back scratched at bedtime), color a coloring page together or listen to a teen relate his day to you. These everyday occurrences are what mothering is really about. These are the days when we have the chance to mold a life, to train our children in the love of the Lord through our actions and to love them unconditionally.

Happy Mothering Ladies. Thank you to all of you who responded to my last email, your responses are very encouraging.

Melissa

Happiness Isn't Candy for Dinner Every Night

Shop, shop and shop some more.

I don't know about you but it takes me forever to get all the Christmas shopping done. I think I'm just a very slow shopper. Even with a list, I'm still a slow shopper. When I think I'm making some head way, I get everything out, divided it into piles for each child and realize there isn't much in the piles. This year I have not come up with one really neat present that I'm extra excited about giving or that I know the children will be extra excited about receiving. However, I'm sure they will enjoy their gifts and my husband I enjoy the chance Christmas gives us to spoil them a bit.

Today I read the following quote by Washington Irving: "It was the policy of the good old gentleman to make his children feel that home was the happiest place in the world; and I value this delicious home-feeling as one of the choicest gifts a parent can bestow."

A happy home that is one of the most important gifts we can give to our children. It is however much easy to go to Walmart and buy a new bike or a Wii system. Obviously there would be some very happy children at my house if they opened up a brand new video game system, but the happiest would be short lived.

Creating your home to be the happiest place in the world is a never ending job. It is something I need to work on all year long. So how can we give the gift of a happy home to our children.
1. Love your husband and let the children know you love their dad.
2. Love your God and share your love of God with the kids
3. Discipline your children. Children that understand right from wrong and understand the standards their parents have set up are happier. Children feel safer and more loved with boundaries for their behavior.
4. Have fun together. Have ice cream for dinner or camp out in the living room or bake cookies together.
5. Teach your children that your home is a safe place. Mean/ teasing behavior is not allowed. Children need to feel they can be themselves in their home without someone pulling them down.

This is just the tip of the ice burg and I by no means have mastered what it takes to make a happy home. Probably the most important thing we can do is PRAY. Pray for today and work on making your home a happy place today, when tomorrow comes pray and work on that day. One day at a time.

This is the best gift you can give each other, so get everyone involved. Ask them how your home can be happier-be prepared for the "ice cream everyday" or "candy only for dinner" answers. In the end we want our children to have fond memories and look forward to coming home for a visit.

Melissa

Tips, Good Ideas and a Lion or Two

Dear Ladies,

Thank you for making these letters such a hugh success. I started writing with about 8 ladies, most of them sat with me at MOPS meetings. The list has grown to about 20 ladies now. Welcome to all the new moms. Please continue to share these letter with anyone who is interested and have them email me if they would like the letters to show up in their mailbox. All the letters are posted at the following blog address (www.amomlikeyou.blogspot.com) if you would like to re-read them. I know it is easier to have them just show up in your in-box. That way you can read the letter quickly and go hunt down the two year old, who is all of a sudden quiet. And we all know what it means if a two year old is quiet-TROUBLE. Once while I was on the phone my two oldest were quiet. I found them in the bathroom. The oldest was brushing his teeth with my toothbrush, after having used my lipstick. The younger one was sitting in a sink of water with messy diaper.


My husband and I had the chance to enjoy two days at the homeschool convention. There are always too many fabulous products to buy and too many informative workshops to attend. Many workshops deal with homeschooling topics, but many would be of interest to non- homeschooling families. For this letter I am just going to bullet for you some of the things I wrote down in my notebook. I hope one or more points will be of encouragement to you today.


Family Life

-Wives respect your husbands. If you wouldn't believe in him, how can he believe in himself.

-Prepare children for all seasons of life. ie. the season of learning or being a disciple, the season of raising a family, the season of being leaders within the church and the season of being leaders of the nation.

-Ask you child, "How ARE you?" "Have I ever hurt your feelings?"

-Remember it's the little things that destroy a marriage-work as a team.

-Children need to trust their parents.

-Teach your children to see a job and do it before being asked.

-When a young child wants to do a job, ie. fold clothes, then it is time to begin teaching him/her that job.

-Lavish praise for jobs children do.

-Some kids don't see the mess, use a check list to help them with cleaning jobs.

-Make a list of everything in the house that needs to be done, enlist the children to help.

-Gear chores towards a child's skill.

-For a forgetful child have them do the same job everyday for a year.

-Reward children for completion of big jobs. ie. a trip to the ice cream shoppe.

-Preform weekly room checks, reward a child for an orderly room.

-Reward a child for good manners.

-Mention things a child does right when you pray for him/her.

-Create an audio tape of dad reading the proverbs.

-Make use of rewards in training for occasional motivation and for learning Bible verses.

-Train girls to run the household and have a heart of service.

-Have young men learn a trade.

-Encourage a servant's spirit, first in the family, then when company is over and by adopting an elderly person.

-Limit electronic entertainment, teach a lifestyle of productivity.


Stretching in Your Grocery Dollars

-Plan a menu

-Put together a price book, so you will be able to check if an item is a deal or not.

-Establish a buy price. ie. I try not to pay more then $2 a pound for meat.

-Try bulk cooking or once a month cooking. This makes for a long Saturday, but is great if you can do it. You can also do smaller jobs like cook up a lot of ground beef at once, cook and bone a bunch of chicken, or chop and freeze onions/green peppers. This isn't bulk cooking, but it does make dinner time easier.

-Make family dinners happen at least four nights a week.

-Stay at the table to play a game, read or have devotions. Mad-lips is a funny dinner game.


Lastly Ladies, remember that God has a BIG purpose for your children, just as He did for Ruth, David, Esther, Joshua and Samuel.

Have a wonderful weekend,

Melissa

PS. What do you think David's mom thought when he came home and said " I killed a fierce lion today". Oh My and we thought our kids worried us.

10 Ways to Love Your Husband

Dear Ladies,


Twenty years. Twenty of the best years of my life. In June of 1988 at the young age of 22, I married my sweetheart. Before we got married we had read books, listened to tapes, attended a marriage conference and consulted with our pastor. We were so ready to try out all our new found wisdom. All the prep work helped, but we had and still have much to learn.


Even though our children require a lot from us, our most important priority (after our relationship with Jesus) is our husband. How do we show our husband he is important to us? What your husband yearns for most from you is respect. Showing respect to a man is showing him love. The definitions of respect are: take notice of; to regard with special attention; to regard as worthy of special consideration, to care for

How to show your husband you love and respect him:

1. Listen to your husband when he talks. Look at him. Show him you're interested in what he is saying.


2. Understand how important his job is to him. He takes very seriously his responsibility to provide for his family.


3. Trust him. Allow him to lead you and your children. When he steps out to lead, follow him.

4. Submit to him. This is a tough one. A good friend once told me, “Melissa, do what your husband says. If he is wrong God will take care of you."

5. Don't nag. Nagging happens, so watch for it and nip it quickly. There is no faster way to pull down your husband then with constant nagging. Even the Bible addresses the issue of a nagging woman. Proverbs 25:24 “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman." The definition for contentious is “wearisome tendency to quarrels and disputes”.

6. Meet his physical needs. For a man this is one of the primary ways he receives love.

1 Corinthian 7: 5 “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time…”
1 Corinthians 7:3 “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”


7. Be content. Asking for a new car or larger home when a husband is doing all he can to provide puts undue pressure on him.
“Be content with such things as you have” Hebrews 13:5


8. Don’t take control. Allow your husband to be the head of the house, especially in the areas where he needs to be taking the lead. Don’t take over just because you don’t think he is doing a task right or hasn’t started to take the lead. Pray for him. Allow the Lord to work.

9. Compliment your husband. Let your husband know on regular bases how much all he does for your family means to you. Tell him he is an excellent provider, an outstanding father, a sweet lover and your closest friend. He needs your words of affirmation.


10. Pray for him. Pray that God will give him wisdom. Pray that he will have favor with his co-workers, pray for protection from temptations and give thanks that he is walking the road of life and parenting with you.